how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
