I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
