Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
