"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
