So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
