I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
