Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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