Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
