I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We are all done wearing pants today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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