Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
