Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
