how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
