Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
