just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
