We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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