she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
