We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
