Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
