just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
