pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
