$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
