so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The feeling are messing with the penis
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
