His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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