my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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