I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize