she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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