i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
