Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
