God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
