I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
