I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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