I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They have beer where we have blood.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
