The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
