True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
