it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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