i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize