pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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