I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
