I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
