I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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