He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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