She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm getting married
To pizza
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
