He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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