Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
