she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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