so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
