hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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