Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
