I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize