Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
