If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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