Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
