this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
