I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
