I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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