Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
