marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
