I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They took my balls.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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