if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Are we still banned from the library?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize