as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Bring me that man meat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
