If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
