its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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