i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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