there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
