I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
