you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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