so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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