It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
