I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
