Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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