Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
